Me In Honesty

So now here is me in honesty.
My life fell from a dream.
Now sinking deep in reality,
I'm hoping that I don't drowned.
I can't tread water forever,
Some day i'll have to find a shore
But what shore will it be?

As my broken pieces hit the floor,
Is it possible they can be broken more?
Again it comes crashing, throwing me down on the floor.
How can I live?
Now my greatest passions have come to an end,
Hopefully only for a time,
But maybe never again.

My heart is dead, there's no pulse within.
Is it possible for life to begin?
So dead that rigor mortis has already set in.
How much more until it' s the end?
I want to go home and find my love where it first began.
But how can I get there?

How has this become me?
There was sunshine upon me.
I was lost but thought I was fine,
Now look where I am, broken and crying.
All alone without any love makes it hard to exist.

Clenched jaw and tightened fists.
Hatred I've never known swells within.
The smell of death inebriates me.
Panic quakes me.
Tears saturate my sheets.
Screams bleed into the streets
Obscenities erupt from the depths of my pain and grief.
This is my shame.

If this is who I am or if this is who I became,
God loves me the same.
My heart and all of me,
Retched and broken in pieces.
In His hands I can find peace
In His sovereignty there is relief,
He has began a good work in me.

Though the truth is in me,
The feelings of peace escapes me,
So I wait patiently,
Clinging to hope,
Waiting for God to show Himself to me.
Until then this is me in honesty.