Delusion

What is this life?
I sit here now in silence, wishing I had more.
All this stuff, laughing at nothing, only to be left alone awake until four.
I blink and I blink and I blink but still the same old score.
Computers and TV's, Music on CD's
What is all this for.
Marriage and children gives my mind reason
But purpose ripped from my grips once more.
Again I blink trying to grab hold of what I once thought to be a chore
Now bound and gaged and thrown to the floor.
I sit here in silence, anger and hate and fear at shore.
A wild beast inside me ready to erupt from my heart to let out it's roar.
On the outside there's not much to complain about.
I'm still me and me am I,
But inside rages violence, thrashing and scrapping devouring me to the core.
The pain is so immense that I can't ignore.
My head is pounding, my eyes are drowning, my throat is sore.
Life demands me I stand handy until I walk through my door.
And there reality shatters the matrix that distracts me from
my heart that I must explore.
All I find behind the costume is festering wounds left unattended to.
The pain of them consume me as I venture into my horror.
But this is where His blood must pour.
Resetting bones, scrapping out wounds and sores
I fall faint overcome by the agony of what broke me in days of yore.
The fear that is found here was covered, hidden by countermeasures
aimed at concealing all the gore.
Trying to stay strong to hide what is really going on;
that I'm broken and scared and want to feel loved more and more.
Lost and scared, out of control I come to find at the core,
A rock that was hiding under all my disguising that can't be shaken or destroyed.
God I know you've began a good work in me,
Please break me, reset and heal me,
Give me freedom from these demons so that I can sore.
With your love, I'll need no more