Nobody is Immune to Life.

Life has a way of bringing you to your knees
You try and try to stand up tall to puff yourself up and take control of the wheel
But life eventually comes to bring you back to reality
Life happens and you can do nothing about it.
Life happens to you no matter who you are.
Nobody is immune to the symptoms of this chaos
Everyone is subject to it, yet we all continue to fight for control of it.
Those with faith and with out it alike
Yet no matter what you believe or do not believe doesn't change reality.
Life happens to everyone, life is no respecter of persons
And no one has or will ever gain control of it.
What then what do we do how do we cope with the uncertainty of life?
A thought that I have is this.
Think of life like surfing. Surfers in no way think that they can tame the ocean.
But in no way do they just lie around on there boards expecting to catch a wave just lying there. They study and learn and watch for warning signs and adjust there efforts according to what they've learned in there experiences both failures and successes. But the ocean is in control they are not they ocean decides when the great rides are going to come and the ocean decides when it's going to swallow up and bring destruction. But in that respect and understanding the surfer that risks at the right time may experience the greatest rides of it's life but the ones who never risk who never go balls out to catch the waves will just be bobbing up and down out in the ocean that is not surfing. The ride and the wipeout is what defines surfing you can't surf with out the two they go hand in hand. So life though it is out of our control victory and defeat, life and death, pain and happiness are all apart of what makes up life and it does not exist with out them. So instead of trying to control life learn from it and just be committed to ride the waves that come and learn from the experiences of failure and success, life and death, victory and defeat and adjust yourself for the next set that comes rolling in.

I Sink

Death comes to me
As the last breath departs from me
Choked out and beaten
Ignored and abandoned
I sink.

The abyss consumes me
darker still deeper till there's nothing left of me
Only pain and anger live on
consuming my tender heart
I sink.

How can this be
All that once was, is swallowed into history
A figment maybe or possibly a mere delusion
Snap shots fade as time consumes all hints of what used to be.
I sink.

My mind wanders, runs, and panics trying to find anything familiar
Grasping for a hint of reality, screaming and trashing around
While the world watches as if all is well.
No one with a clue of the torment rushing through my lifeless body
I sink.

Faith fails me,
Friends, foes, and lovers leave only tears in my heart
Pain grows deeper as grief etches despair on my face
Defeated and despondent, downhearted and dejected
I sink

Why I Died

This is why I died when you did.

My emotions are hyper
intense, and beyond normalcy
My heart fragile, my pain unbearable
This world and this life is too scary for me.

You were my safety
You gave me strength
You kept my fear at bay.
Through the darkest night
Your songs ushered me to sleep

Death raped me of this safety
So I buried myself,
My fear, my heart, my emotions.
As deep as they would go.
To keep my heart from feeling too much.
And now here I explode.

They wouldn't stay latent forever
They manifested themselves again
My hyper emotions, fragile heart and fear
Consume me once again.
But now you are gone and I'm all alone
No one is here to ground my fear and pain

Will there ever be?
someone who is able and willing to handle my intensity?
Am I destined to be alone
Devoured by my brains hyper activity.

A Glimpse of My Fear

Silent static screams into my emptiness,
Alone and abandoned lying here.
My ears search for someone near
But there's no sound, only fear.
As a pit in my stomach grows and panic appears
Alone, in the abyss of abandonment jeers.
I float in the dark emptiness of eternity
Isolated from all and loathing my mere existence
Wishing I could be undone and
Erased from the fabric of reality.
Hating the knowledge of love and
Fearing that it hates me
But desperate for it to embrace me
To ground me and keep me from being swallowed
by the immensity of infinity.
Forsaken, depress, rejected, and unloved
Unwanted, outcasted, and accompanied by no one
So alone self existence falls into question
But fear and panic proves that existence is my problem.
No way out, no where to go,
I have absolutely zero control.
Panic engulfs me as I embrace the reality of my reality
I may never find love and it may never find me.
My fear is I exist alone in the abyss of eternity.